I must write a new blog entry,I must write a new blog entry, post haste!
Dough RobberyDid you see the recent story in the Jewish Chronicle about the theft of egg-enriched dough from a north London warehouse? Unfortunately, the theft happened just before Shabbos and it forced many local bakeries to bake their challas with plain, white flour. A leading rabbi was quoted as saying, "I’m appalled by the rise in white challa crimes."
A husband was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of the head with a huge frying pan.
"What the heck was that for!" he asked.
She replies, "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it..."
"Oh, dear, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Well, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I placed a bet on."
The explanation seems to appease her, and she leaves the room to go about her business.
Three days later, the man is again sitting in his chair reading the morning paper. His wife abruptly hangs up the telephone and then whacks him on the back of the head with the huge frying pan.
"What the heck did I do wrong this time!" he asked.
She answered, "Your horse just called!"
It's late, the bartender and a...It's late, the bartender and a guy are the only ones left in the bar. The guy pushes his empty beer glass over to the edge of the counter, walks to the other end of the bar, and says to the bartender, "If I could spit from here, and get it in the glass without getting any anywhere else, would you give me $50?" The bartender, not seeing how this bet could be cheated, says, "ok, show me." The guy spits and makes it in the glass without getting any on the counter or the floor. The bartender say, "That's amazing! You deserve the $50!"
The next day, about noon, the guy's in the bar again, and says to the bartender, if I can do it again, but with 2 glasses side by side, would you give me $100? The bartender agrees, and the guys spits from across the bar and makes it in both glasses, without getting any anywhere else.
The evening rolls around, and the bartender sticks a bunch of glasses all over the bar. He then says to the guy, "if you can spit in all of these glasses at the same time, without getting any anywhere else, I'll give you $200" The guy says, "Sure, but I need a little time to get ready" So after a minute, the guy comes up, and procceds to spit everywhere at lightning speed. The bartender, seeing that the guy has missed ever single cup, jumps up and down for joy, screaming. The guys pays the bartender, and says, "I don't see what you're so happy about, I just bet the guy in the corner $500 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd be happy about it."
FLEX WORDLEGuess the WORDLE in 3 tries. After each guess, the color of the tiles will change to show how close your guess was to the solution.
His favorite chocolate chip cookies....
An elderly man lay dying in his bed.
In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled down the stairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted: the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with aspatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I...Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know
his wife until he marries her”
Dad: That happens in every country, son